I just want to be better.
It’s why I get up in the morning. I want to be better than I was yesterday.
I want to be better at everything that I do. I want to be better at my job, a better friend, a better son, a better guitarist, a better songwriter, a better writer.
I never want to stand still. I want to be smarter, fitter, stronger, wiser, more thoughtful, more polite, more considerate, more open.
Every single day.
I’m good at some things and not so good at others, and that’s fine. I don’t necessarily want to be excellent at everything, I just want to be better. There are some things I’ll probably never get a handle on at all, and that’s cool too. I’m probably better off focusing on other things I can improve.
I understand that this is not always a healthy attitude to have. It doesn’t allow much time for stopping to smell the roses. I often worry about not being good enough at the things that I do, which leads to weird complexes and impostor syndrome.
There might come a day when I’ll be happy with where I’m at and will no longer feel like this. If that happens, then I’ll be a different person from who I am now. Ironically, that version of me might be better than the current incarnation. I might be more relaxed, more considered, less tightly wound.
But for now, I’ve got too much to learn in way too many areas. I need to see more of the world, experience life under a different roof, and understand how I will react in the infinite amount of different situations I’ve never experienced. Right now, I’m inspired by how much I don’t know.
Sometimes I can feel it. It can be a knot in my stomach. It’s the disappointment I feel when I don’t have a good session at the gym. It can be a tune stuck in my head or an idea rattling around my brain. It has any number of different manifestations, but it all leads back to the same place. Somewhere better.